I keep looking in the mirror, and going over and over the qualities that I have as a human being, a woman, a lover, a partner, and a girlfriend. I see a beautiful, smart, fun, honest, guenuine person staring back at me. Why then, why?
 
No one warns you that just because you work hard to be the best person you can be and have good self esteem that chances are no one else will see you like that. They won’t see it, or appreciate it, or treat you any better than they would a piece of shit. I mean, my family and close friends see me as someone pretty great, but guys? Well guys don’t look at me twice. After some forcing of myself on them, and showing them how sexually active I am, and stupid goofy I can be they come to accept me. I am reliable and fairly sensible, and oh so forgiving. But for fucks sake it would be nice to finish first for once. Not second place, not having to PROVE myself. Not having to win someone over.
 
Where is that person that wants me. That will be stopped dead by the sight of me, and won’t see another girl in the room. That person who won’t feel  like the room is empty if I am not in it. The one who will love me, be honest with me, respect me and appreciate me.
 
I am so sad.
I am so angry.
I am so tired of trying to fix the hurt inflicted by whoever holds my heart.